Mi Neurosis, Su Neurosis.

I’m so tired. I didn’t get any sleep last night. Wanna know why? Because she sprung the news on me. Yup. I thought I was in the clear, what with it being October 29 and all. Was I ever off base. Last night, at approximately 7:30 pm, I was informed that I would be accompanying her to a Halloween party. Fun.

I don’t get it. Didn’t she learn anything from the last time I went out with her and her friends? I had no idea I was dating someone so adventurous. I’m really bummed out because I thought she wouldn’t bother me again for a couple of months. I don’t get her. She’s either too forgiving for her own good (yeah right—to this day I hear about the time I forgot a stick of butter in her car in mid-July) or she’s downright provocative.

To be fair, she did lecture me for 45 minutes. I’m not sure if it was her or the alcohol talking (I saw her come out of the wine cellar with a bottle—I’m dating Zelda Fitzgerald) but her little harangue had a very ominous tone, punctuated by a series of threatening statements such as “Don’t be a selfish dick and ruin this for me.”, “Behave yourself.”, “Don’t tell anyone the snail story. It makes people uncomfortable.” To name but a few. More than twice, she told me that I have to “come down and meet [my] friends.” I don’t know what she meant by that. It was weird and quite frankly, she was scaring me so I didn’t pursue it. I think she got into my weed, too.

It would be easy to complain about having to go out with her friends or why we’re not going out with my friends (my friends are at least 500 times better than her friends—her friends are seriously lame), but firstly, I know this whole thing is my fault. I should’ve accepted at least one of the numerous invitations my friends issued us. At least my friends enjoy hearing the snail story.

Secondly, while I’m very uncomfortable with having to socialize with these strangers, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as her thinking I’m some kind of ogre, lacking even the most basic of social skills. I mean really? If I were the walking disaster she thinks I am, how can she account for all the friendships I’ve forged? Not to mention how easily I wooed her—I didn’t even try.

S’time to smack a bitch. I’m gonna go to this party and I will be so personable and charming that by the end of the night, all her friends will like me better than her. Then what will she have to say for herself? Whatever it is, I won’t be there to hear it since I’ll be at the movies with her friends.

It’s being held at a club which means I might actually have fun. Though the invite said: “Cocktails. Treats. The tricks are up to you.” So it’s not likely.